


(never let them take) the light behind your eyes

by imasradiantasthesun



Series: i'm so sorry that you have to have a body [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Agni Kai (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar) Have a Good Relationship, Body Horror, Burns, Fire Nation Royal Family, Gen, Mild Gore, Non-Linear Narrative, Not Beta Read, Partially Blind Zuko (Avatar), Partially Deaf Zuko (Avatar), Pre-Canon, Protective Azula (Avatar), Spirit Zuko (Avatar), Spirits, Worldbuilding, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko's Scar (Avatar), mostly - Freeform, not really agni just has a soft spot for him, the gaang and many others are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28236843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imasradiantasthesun/pseuds/imasradiantasthesun
Summary: He entered an arena full of watching, eager eyes. Later, Zuko left on a stretcher with only one that functioned.The Agni Kai and its aftermath (physical and spiritual).
Relationships: Agni & Zuko (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Ozai & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: i'm so sorry that you have to have a body [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2071563
Comments: 2
Kudos: 123





	(never let them take) the light behind your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: mild gore, poor medical treatment, graphic descriptions of burns  
> this is part of my ongoing attempts to write an atla body horror fic, so that should be enough warning about the topic of this one  
> if you think there are any tags or warnings that i should add, feel free to tell me!
> 
> the lack of anyone’s names is a conscious decision, sorta wanted to test my abilities. if you’re not sure who “he”/“him”/“his” refers to, then i’m talking abt zuko :)
> 
> this is my second time writing the agni kai - you can read the first [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27553729). enjoy!
> 
> title from the light behind your eyes by my chemical romance
> 
> edit 12/23: fixed some wording, added a couple details
> 
> edit 12/30: i changed the rating from General Audiences to Teen & Up

He entered an arena full of watching, eager eyes. His uncle’s amber eyes looked away. His sister’s golden ones widened ever so slightly. His own, which matched his sister’s (his _mother’s_ ) in color and shape, widened even more as his father stood before him.

Agni Kais were meant to take place at midday, when both firebenders' power and the Sun were at their zenith. The current Fire Lord had never been very traditional, though.

Looking down on him, the leader ignored the halo of sunlight around his head. The sun disc seemed to crown the prince as he declared his loyalty to his nation.

Looking up at his father, he ignored the fire glinting off his father's eyes, and foolishly ( _childishly,_ because that's all he was) thought that the hand reaching for his face was meant to wipe his tears and offer comfort.

A bright light filled his vision as if he was gazing into the face of Agni himself.

(Much later on, as in _a-beam-of-light-erupting-from-the-glaciers-of-the-South-Pole-_ type later on, he’d wonder if those lights were a Spirit thing, or if he was just as unlucky as Father said, what with how painful their glares were to look at. Maybe a combination of both. The Fire Lord was _supposed_ to act on the Sun Spirit’s will, after all).

Despite his initial complacency, he struggled against the hand that held his hair (which was _burning_ , he could smell it and would've gagged if he wasn't busy _begging_ ) as his face grew hot, then burning, and then all he could feel was _pain hot searing fire hurt_ as his skin bubbled.

The scent of burning flesh filled his nostrils, someone’s screams filled his ear (the other one, his left, was in the midst of melting), smoke filled his lungs, scorching pain filled his face, and the blaze filled his sight.

(If it truly was Agni’s rays, was it blasphemous for him to wish later on that he could have closed his eyes before they shone down on him? Or was he blessed for being able to stare into the radiance and _survive?_ )

He had walked into the arena full of eyes. He left on a stretcher, the smoke still emanating from his body making it all the more difficult to see where his left eye was (or used to be). No one saw this of course, with the exception of the matching pair of gold that had ordered his exit. All others were trained on the beloved Fire Lord.

(He would get used to this, later on. The sight of him was rather polarizing: passersby would either avert their gaze out of fear or disgust, or stare in morbid curiosity or pity.)

The healer on the ship did the best she could with her (very) limited experience and resources. How much _healing_ was actually done was up for debate. When the sun sank, the uncle would watch over him, his amber eyes seeming to darken as weeks went by.

The medic woke with the sunrise (she had thought she was a skilled firebender going into battle - the Fire Lord himself had appointed her as the ship’s healer) and improved her skills as the weeks progressed.

His body should be wrapped in gauze bandages, not fluffy cotton ones, or else they would stick to his seared flesh.

Do not pop where the skin had bubbled under the intense heat.

Pus seeping from the bandages was normal.

Keep his Internal Flame going.

After he had awoken, the crew gradually learned as well.

Do not stare.

If he spoke to them, look him in the eye - the _right_ eye.

Do not laugh if (when) he fell or bumped into things (or crew members).

Avoid approaching him on his left.

If not standing directly to his right, speak up.

Articulate mouth movements so he could see and understand.

(Later on, as the Moon Spirit died in the arms of a princess and Fire Nation ships were wiped out by the Ocean, the crew prayed that the Spirit of the Sun would keep a watchful eye on their young captain for them.)

Once the bandages were off, the lieutenant passed on the message to the rest of the crew to leave a space on deck for him to meditate. The uncle had asserted that the fresh air and warmth from the sun would do him well as he healed. The lieutenant learned that the earlier message was unnecessary - the crew gave him a wide berth after seeing the scar that extended from the left side of his hairline, down part of his chest, and to his left hand.

The freckles that intermittently spotted his face and neck (sun-kissed skin was seen as a blessing from their solar deity) were now joined by smaller, fainter scars where embers had lay to rest, away from the main source of heat. The mark blotted and swirled at its edges where the flames had licked him. His left ear was shrivelled and plastered where once the lobe had been detached. 

(Later on, in an abandoned Earth Kingdom town, his sister would ask a boy with arrow tattoos and his friends how they couldn’t see the family resemblance. 

She herself had barely seen the full extent of the damage when she met him after the failed attack on the North Pole. She was wracked with guilt over his _mutilation_ , but it could only be visible to someone who truly knew her. Only a boy with gold eyes like her own. To avoid facing the source of her guilt, she always stayed on his right side.)

(Even _later_ on, in a cavern under Ba Sing Se, the princess saw how he had changed in full, illuminated by the green crystals. Along with the dark scar covering half his face, her brother’s left eye - or what could be seen of it, as it was squeezed almost entirely shut by angry skin - was no longer gold, instead a pale, glazed over yellow.

Despite how he changed, he still looked familiar to her. Not because they saw much of each other, no - in the war room, she always sat on father’s right side.)

He did not own a mirror on the ship. There was no need - he was always too busy searching for a legend. His uncle advised him to rest, as he might crack under the pressure of his father’s orders.

Like lava cracked the floors of a temple for his great-grandfather.

Like his scar cracked on a stormy day when his helmsman fell.

Like a monotonous girl cracked her knuckles before going after her baby brother.

Like dry lips cracked in a desert after cactus juice had been ruled out as a drinking source.

Like an acrobat cracked her joints before flipping onto a prison gondola.

Like an admiral’s facade cracked at the sight of the full moon.

Like his mother cracked a smile as he fed turtleducks.

Like a boy with a wheat stalk between his lips cracked jokes on the back of a ferry on the way to a city of refuge.

(He would learn, later on at a play, that the swordsman had died with cracked ribs and internal bleeding, under a lake and surrounded by friends.)

Like lightning cracked inside the walls of an underground bunker.

Like his sister cracked open the door to his room to ask if she could stay after a nightmare. Light flooded in from the hallway lanterns behind her; if it hadn't been for the flame in his palm illuminating her face, she would have been but a dark silhouette.

(Later on, after the boy with glowing tattoos was struck by lightning and he was back in Caldera City, his sister no longer sought out his comfort after nightmares. She never came to his door at night, no matter how many blows from their father she witnessed, or bruises he gained, or nights she saw him go up in flames again, or times they both woke up stifling their own cries.

He understood. The left side of his face was jarring in full sunlight, made more gruesome by the darkness; _no one_ would be comforted by the sight of a milky, unmoving eye that was mostly covered by red scar tissue - as if his skin was dripping candle wax that hardened at the absence of heat - _much_ less someone who failed to prevent it from happening.

He knew why turning his face wouldn't help. He wouldn't want to see the face of his father after having just dreamed about the man either.)

Like fans cracked open at the sight of a Fire Nation ship on the way to a peaceful island.

Like the earth cracked at the will of the world’s first metalbender.

(He noticed that his eye looked just like hers did, later on when he had apologized for burning her feet, her source of sight. The scent of burnt flesh still made his stomach churn all those years later.)

Like ice cracked under the last Southern waterbender’s power, awakening an ancient spirit.

Like dawn cracked every day, the Sun urging him to continue on.

(Later on, no, _at last_ , he cracked his eyes open to peek at the rise of the Spirit at the end of a long war, basking finally in the Sun’s radiance and letting his body warm.)

He had challenged the deaths of the 41st Division at the hands of earthbenders. For this he had to face the Fire Lord, and as his left side went up in flames, Crown Prince Zuko and the Sun saw eye to eye: cracked, no _crushed_ under pressure was no way to go - Agni’s children were meant to _burn_.

**Author's Note:**

> everyone shut up zuko's busy being blessed by agni guys we have to be quiet
> 
> zukos scar, body horror, agni, “later on”, eyes, light, yadda yadda. this went in eighteen different directions in my attempt to be Profound
> 
> decided to be Funky and not use anyone’s names til the very end
> 
> yes i’m an unashamed mcr fan what’re you gonna do abt it? get mad? pfff yeah right
> 
> my description of zuko's scar is based off of [pakchoys's](https://pakchoys.tumblr.com/post/187358780177/went-a-bit-ham-on-the-scar) and [ezralie’s cool designs, ](https://ezralie.tumblr.com/post/628179005923803136/my-first-try-at-a-zuko-painting-used-his-comic) go check them out!
> 
> hoped you liked it! kudos and comments are very much appreciated!
> 
> \- ez <3


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